The Witch Has An Itch
by lookslikeajobforthewinchesters
Summary: A bit of a parody on a favourite childhood book of mine by Donna Guthrie. I don't claim plot, most lines, or the catchy witch voice that will penetrate your mind throughout this fanfic! It's really quite funny.


Bellatrix was a wicked witch and proud of it. She was an expert at evil curses, a wonder with painful hexes, and the meanest witch in all the land.

She turned bespectacled Scarheads into speckled toads, and speckled toads into bespectacled Scarheads. She changed the minds of witty, bushy-haired she-geniuses into mush. She stopped Weasleys from having red hair… And, just for the fun of it, Bellatrix cast mean spells that would pop Droobles Best Blowing Gum and make all Bertie Botts Every Flavour Beans taste like earwax.

Bellatrix had a reputation for being mean and terrible, and she deserved it.

One day, Bellatrix was up to her nose in her Moste Potent Potions book, when she began to itch.

_The witch has an itch! The witch has an itch!_

_Oh where, oh where, does the witch have an itch?_

_On her long and warty nose!_

_On her long and warty nose!_

Bellatrix wriggled her long, warty nose. She rubbed it with her crooked thumb. She scratched it with her long, black fingernails. Finally, Bellatrix closed the evil potions book so she could use both hands to scratch her itchy nose.

The itching stopped!

"Strange," said Bellatrix. She put Moste Potent Potions back on the shelf. "Maybe something to eat will make me feel better."

Bellatrix stirred the pot of mudblood stew on the fire.

"Just the right mixture to cause warts and wrinkles," she said. She took a taste of her terrible stew – and she began to itch.

_The witch has an itch! The witch has an itch!_

_Oh where, oh where, does the witch have an itch?_

_On her mean and moldy mouth!_

_On her mean and moldy mouth!_

Bellatrix's evil mouth itched and itched. Her lips, her tongue, even her tonsils began to itch! She spit out the mudblood stew.

The itching stopped!

"Odd," said Bellatrix. "I've always liked the mudblood stew before."

Bellatrix noticed her crystal ball on the table.

"Perhaps a little divination will give me some new ideas for nasty magic," she said.

Bellatrix rubbed the crystal ball with her bony fingers. And she began to itch.

_The witch has an itch! The witch has an itch!_

_Oh where, oh where, does the witch have an itch?_

_On her bony, bony fingers!_

_On her bony, bony fingers!_

Bellatrix's fingers itched and itched. Her hands and arms and elbows itched, too. Bellatrix dropped her crystal ball with a loud _crash_!

"This is ridiculous," Bellatrix said to her cat, Tom. "I can't concentrate on my evil magic with all this itching and scratching going on. There's only one person who can help me. I'll go see the Dark Lord. He'll know what to do."

Bellatrix hopped on her Nimbus 2001 and took off for Voldemort's secret lair that only she and he knew about. When she arrived, Lord Voldemort, who knew everything before it happened, was waiting outside for her.

Bellatrix admired the powerful wizard and wanted to impress him into believing she was the worst witch ever.

"I'll do a magic dance that will make thumbtacks fall from the sky," she though. "Then he will know that I deserve my reputation as the wickedest witch in all the land."

Bellatrix started her evil dance. But the moment she began to tap her toe, she began to itch.

_The witch has an itch! The witch has an itch!_

_Oh where, oh where, does the witch have an itch?_

_On her thorny, thorny toes!_

_On her thorny, thorny toes!_

Bellatrix tore off her shoes and socks and scratched and scratched her toes. The itching was unbearable.

"Help me, Master! Please help me!" cried the miserable witch. "I can't stand this itch!"

The Dark Lord, who really wasn't as dark as everyone made him out to be, bent down and slowly began to tickled Bellatrix's toes.

The itching stopped!

"It's clear to me," said Lord Voldemort, "that you are allergic to evil magic. Bellatrix, you must change your ways."

"But, I'm the wickedest witch in all the land," insisted Bellatrix. "I have a reputation to keep."

Voldemort helped Bellatrix to her feet.

"There's more than one kind of reputation," said the Dark Lord. "You could be the nicest witch in all the land. The choice is yours."

Bellatrix though for a moment and said, "Perhaps I could, but a reputation is hard to change. How will I begin?"

"I think," said the wizard with a smile, "you could start from scratch."

And that's just what she did.


End file.
